• no, you can’t babysit.

    I would pay you an amount of money that would make any financial advisor gag if you could babysit max without us both needing to call our therapists afterwards. But you can’t. It doesn’t matter if you’re my mother, his SLP/OT therapist, a relative, or Ms.Rachel in the flesh herself. He doesn’t want you and you cannot change his mind. It wasn’t always like this, I think. But, I can’t be sure because I don’t remember a time where thinking of any event that involved mom and dad away from Max, didn’t involve me having heart palpitations. There was a…

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  • 1%

    The first thing that comes to mind when I hear 1% is the world’s richest people laughing on yachts and sipping champagne. Then, after a few seconds, a dark gray storm cloud chews and swallows that fantasy right up. It’s replaced by the reality of what 1% means to me. 1% to me is a harsh reminder that Max can’t talk. Max’s speech language pathologist scored him at 1st percentile of speech for children his age. I suppose “Max can’t talk” might be harsh because he has made progress. His special interest is animals. He can do lots of animal…

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  • a handful of pills

    80mg of Prozac, 300mg of Lamictal, and 30mg of Buspar. Congrats, you now can officially be listed as an emergency contact because you know my medicine regimen. I hate the asshats who talk about how they don’t need their SSRI’s anymore because they found peace through CrossFit or have 73 crystals in their pocket. Great, we’re soo happy for you. Must be nice but I don’t relate and I have to forcibly keep myself from gagging when they talk. If you were a gambling man, you would have bet the house that I would have jacked up brain chemistry by…

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  • Please don’t be sad mom & dad

    Spilling your guts on the internet feels weird. Spilling your guts on the internet, knowing your parents are reading it, makes me want to throw up. People feel bad for me. People pray for me. People encourage me. People praise me. But I would venture to say that no one sees an autistic child and says “yeah, yeah, but what about the grandparents’ feelings?” I suppose it’s a triaged thought process and people think kid, parents, and tap out there. There are not any podcasts, books, and support groups directed at grandparents. Almost, seems like a behind the scenes grunt…

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  • The Death of My Career

    Time of death 1:17 PM on January 17th, 2026. I love a theatrical over the top intro, sue me. This wasn’t supposed to be the next post. It doesn’t really make sense for me to dive right into the now before explaining how we got here. But alas, I needed an outlet and a small audience. I have worked since I was 15 years old. Not a unique story or something worth bragging about but important to convey the gravity. I got pregnant in 2022 + immediately started looking for a job that was work from home. I wanted to…

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  • Not a Writer

    My dad is a writer. I am not. Yet, here I am starting a blog. My decision to start a blog was twofold. One, to get my therapist off my back, who is always talking about me needing to journal. Two, to talk about the good, the ugly, and the bad about autism. I remember a time years ago when the word autistic in my brain registered as a punchline for quirky behavior or a word that induced sympathy for the less fortunate. I grew up with what I would consider a special sort of sympathy for children with disabilities…

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